Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
