I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
