You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
