as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
