i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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