I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
