you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
