she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
