he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
