His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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