How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
