You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
