my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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