i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
