tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
