i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
