He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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