drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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