i permit you to call me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
