How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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