ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
