I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
