butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
