Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
