Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I have vodka in my lungs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
