If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
