Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
