just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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