ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
