this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
