i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
