In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
