I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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