I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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