I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
