Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
