the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
