i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Houston, we have a blender
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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