Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
