get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
