sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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