Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
