I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
