weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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