if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
