the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
