What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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