I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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