i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
there is glitter all over my balls
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
