I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
